It
is said that you are not a true adventure racer until you
experience hunger, pain, humiliation, tears and take a
close look at your soul. If that is the
criteria…Team SynTerra left the U.S. amateurs and came
home adventure racers. Although team SynTerra didn't
reach the finish the Eco-Challenge, we walked away humbled
adventure racers.
I've tried for weeks to get this story out. My
struggle is between telling the story I wanted to tell and
one that actually unfolded. I've sat in front of my
laptop on numerous occasions searching for the words.
I realized today, the only way to tell the story is to be
honest. And for me, right now, the truth is painful.
There are no words to describe what happened in Borneo.
I am asked daily what was the most difficult part of the
Eco-Challenge. My answer…the enormity of the
experience. It is an expedition into your soul.
And until you are prepared to find out who you really are,
this race will be unfinished.
The most frequented question I am asked is "Are
you still friends with all of your teammates? My
answer…yes. Our goal was to finish as friends.
We accomplished half of that. I know a lot more
about each one of my teammates. We all faced the
truths about ourselves in the jungle. I found what I
was looking for…my soul. You are shredded down to
the essence of who you really are and then you are forced
to deal with it. Good or bad, it is who you are and
the life you're living. It is my perception that
each of us dealt with that knowledge differently.
Then there is the question of WHY? Why would you put
your body through that hell? Why? Why not?
It was a journey into the depths of myself. I
thought I was competing in an expedition race for the
adventure…but instead I came home with a better sense of
who I am. At one point in the race we had been
trekking through the jungle for days slipping and sliding
in the mud. There were leeches and red, biting ants
all over me. I was brought to my knees and just sat
calmly. It was the first time I was grateful to be
alive. It was the first time I realized just how
insignificant my life was in the big picture. I was
humbled in a way I will never forget. It was at that
moment I chose to change my life. I came face to
face with all of the things I didn't like about my life.
There was nothing that could distract me from the truth.
It was right there in me. I stood up and began to
move forward into a life of meaning. A life of
purpose. A life I would not take for granted
anymore.
What did you have to do on the course?
Sail and paddle for hours on the Sulu Sea in an authentic
Perahu Outrigger Sailboat.
Navigate on several islands through dense, and rocky
terrain.
Coasteer along the shores of the islands.
Shiver ourselves to sleep in hammocks every night.
Mountain bike into the jungle at night with only the
sounds to identify the reality of where we were.
Ride through the swamps with leeches and knee-high mud and
clay.
Trek through the Jungle Mountains for days in the heat and
humidity, a very heavy pack and very little food.
Visualize the hardest course in the world and understand
that it will be 100 times harder.
We moved through 8 days on the course and reached PC 18.
We made it through the hardest part of the race, the
jungle. Most teams finished the race in 10-12 days.
Then there is the question… "Would you do
another Eco-Challenge?" I can only answer for
myself. Yes. Many of you know that our
teammate Marc Needlman dropped out at PC 15, and Mike,
Danny and myself dropped at PC 18. I will let them
tell their own versions of what happened on the course.
That is their story to tell. My truth is that I
never reached my limits. I wanted to go on but it
just wasn't in the plans. We were plagued with
infections and fatigue. It just wasn't in the cards
this time. As a marathoner, I feel the
disappointment as if I had dropped out at mile 25. I
had it in me to go on but couldn't. That is the
nature of team sports. That fire will burn deep
inside of me until I get the chance to find out.
What happened out there? It is best to watch the
race to get a TRUE sense of the experience. It will
be aired on the USA Network in April of 2001. I can
some things up in just a few words. It was the most
grueling race I have ever done. Every aspect of the
race was a challenge, including the 10-hour bus ride
across the island on washed out roads. Mark Burnett
set out to create the toughest Eco-Challenge in history.
And it was according to the elite Eco competitors.
Most of the athletes came down with a "mystery"
rash from head to toe, infected and grossly swollen feet
and of course there was the outbreak of a bacterial
infection (Leptospirosis) that required hospitalization.
Most of you are familiar with the term
"bonking". That is when your body and your
mind are spent and there is nothing from which to draw.
It stops you in your tracks. The best way to
describe what you feel like out on the course is it is a
series of bonks. The race is so long you bonk,
recover, bonk, recover and then bonk again.
What would you change about the experience? Nothing.
It was not the race I expected…but I got so much out of
the experience I wouldn't change one thing. I was
fortunate enough to compete in the Eco-Challenge and it
changed my life.
What was it like to be rolling around in a third world
country?
It was surreal. I felt like an Olympic Astronaut.
The island is in the process of developing. It is a
study in contrasts. Extreme wealth and poverty.
The smaller islands host families of natives with nothing
but shacks on stilts in the middle of the Sulu Sea.
They are happy and content with what little they have.
They were gracious and welcomed us into their world.
What was it like? It was like driving into an oasis
of reality. As we roamed the islands of Malaysia I
realized how good I've lived and how ungrateful I've been.
What was the most physically challenging part of the race?
Let me first start with the fact that nothing is easy in
the Eco-Challenge. That is why it is called the
world's toughest endurance event. For me, the jungle
trekking was the most challenging. It was marked
with tape every ten feet so the navigation was a given.
The jungle is a very mysterious place. It is a place
where I learned respect. We never knew where we were
on the course or how long it would take us to get to the
next PC. From that stand point, it was a mental
nightmare. There was no way to break down and digest
the distance. I was forced to constantly experience
the moment. Step, by step, minute by minute, day by
day. I felt like an ant moving slowly across the
state of Illinois. It had stormed night after night
so by the time we reached the jungle leg we were three
storms into the race and the trail was evidence of that.
Every step we took required an anchor supplied by trees
and vines. Our feet and ankles cried out for flat
terrain but it was nowhere to be found. We
slid up and down the Jungle mountains feeling the pain of
every step. I have never been so tired and dirty and
in my life.
What about the leeches?
I quickly found out the anticipation of the leeches was
worse than the realization of the leech. We spent
days listening to how bad the leeches were. It was a
lesson well learned. Often we spend a lifetime
avoiding our fears when facing them is much less taxing.
There were a lot of fears I tackled in the
jungle…leeches, snakes, heights, seasickness, being the
weakest teammate. It was the act of facing my fears
that was the endorphin rush. You are out in the
middle of nowhere forced to deal with each fear as it
comes along. If you deal with it…you move along
successfully. If you deny it…it will stop you in
its tracks. So…the leeches quickly became a fact
of life. A part of nature. A tourist on my
body.
What does it take to finish?
It didn't take long to figure out what it takes to finish
the Eco-Challenge. If you pack the following…you
just may finish.
A strong sense of your strengths and weaknesses.
An immeasurable pain threshold.
An endless supply of mental strength.
The physical stamina to go for days without food.
The ability to work as a unit.
The flexibility to adapt to anything that crosses your
path.
The ability to go without.
A tremendous sense of adventure.
The act of forgiveness.
What was it REALLY like being the only chick on the team?
The truth is I had to work twice as hard to be just as
tough. I always felt that it was assumed I was the
weakest link. When the fact of the matter is we all
have our own weaknesses. It comes down to whether we
choose to accept and improve upon those weaknesses that
show our true strength. Otherwise you are
lying to yourself as well as your teammates.
I don't write in anger, just reality. I was the last
man standing and nobody would ever have predicted that to
be the case. I am the first to admit I wasted
precious energy trying to prove to my teammates how tough
I was when all that really mattered was believing it
myself. In the end I know I am strong and I don't
wish to measure that against anyone but rather use that
strength to reach higher ground.
What did it feel like when you were finished?
I think each one of us could respond to that differently.
My body felt like I had lost 10 pounds as we went the last
two days on 500-800 calories. My feet felt like they
had been in the scene in Misery (the movie) where she hits
his feet with a sledgehammer. They were swollen ten
times the size and infected. My ankles were very
upset with me. They rebelled and refused to function
for weeks. Girls, my hair was just a mess.
Talk about BAD hair days. My hands and feet peeled
like a snake for two weeks. My pride was bruised.
My heart, broken. My ego, humbled. My emotions
were riding a roller coaster. I spent a year of my
life and every last dime to experience the Eco-Challenge.
I prepared myself for a completely different outcome.
It took a while to gain perspective on the whole
experience.
What now?
I practice the skills of an adventure racer and adapt and
move on. More races will come my way. There is
so much more to experience in life. So much to
learn. We were all blessed with the opportunity to
take a long, hard look at ourselves. And
now…we move forward creating our own realities based on
the truths we are willing to accept. Another step
into the unknown.
I didn't come home wearing a finisher's medal, however I
did have a suitcase stuffed full of insight, perspective
and humility.
Happy Trails…
